The Badonkadonk

March 11, 2006 at 6:10 am (Gypsy Life)

The first round of the Badonkadonk contest was held on Wednesday, March 8 at the Saddle Rack in Freemont, CA. Robyn, Susan, and I headed out to the country bar to celebrate Robyn’s 24th and to compete in the contest, which Susan had thoroughly researched and decided was an excellent place for a girls’ night out. After ordering drinks, we sat down to scope out our rivals dance moves. The competition was an interesting mix of young, old, overly sexual, and very ghetto. The toughest competition was an elderly woman, definitely pushing 80, who was wearing purpule sweatpants, a teal sweatshirt, and really knew how to get down. Not only did she have a proficient derriere shake, she was also dancing with men all under 50. We were worried.

Robyn and Susan Pre-Booty Shakin

They took the 20 contestants into a back room to explain the rules to us. We would go out on the dance floor in random groups of 3 and shake our badonkadonks (booties) for 1 minute. Then we would have 10 seconds of a solo dance before the audience would vote by cheering for us. Our hearts started pounding and we were pretty sure entering the competition was an AWFUL idea, but since it was Robyn’s birthday night, we gave it a go.

The first three contestants were intimidating. Denise, the blonde bombshell, wore a cropped, tight white tank-top that definitely went out of style in the early 90’s. She performed vixenesque dance moves, which we thought were actually pretty impressive. Shauna had come all the way from Santa Cruz just to win the competition. Although she practically took off her shirt, her badonkadonk paled in comparison to Denise’s and the four shots of tequila she took before the competition didn’t help her coordination. The third contestant in the first group was a boy who thought he was entering a line dancing contest.

The Badonkadonk song continued as Robyn and I entered the dance floor. We were in a round with a woman who was very into flaunting and shaking large breasts and her behind. Susan reported that she did a badonkadonk chest shake that was so mesmerizing it quickly left Robyn and I in the dust. At one point during the individual competition, I was facing away from the audience and I looked up at the big screens overhead and saw my ass supersized. It was pretty horrible and my dance moves were definitely not very impressive.

The next contestants included an elderly couple that pretty much made the event for us all. They had their coordinated moves down perfectly. It was the 80 year old woman and her husband, who had definitely taken some viagra before he started dancing because he couldn’t stop doing pelvic thrusts at his butt-jiggling wife. It was thoroughly entertaining.

Needless to say, none of us won. Contestants advanced to the next level based on the audience’s applause and we just didn’t bring enough of our posse. Many of the other contestants had 20 or more friends there and they were all very supportive, loud, and obnoxious.

The girl who actually won was the best of the top three contestants. The other two were pretty terrible to watch dance. The winner was into humping the ground, which may have helped her win. The entire evening was undocumented by any of our cameras, although I wish now that we had taken more pictures just for the memories.

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